biglaw vs. Family Life
I’m the spouse of a partner at a V10 firm.
Lately, I’ve been daydreaming about the moment when I could lean over to my husband during one of his work calls and say, “[Husband] will be right with you, [managing partner], he’s just been handed divorce papers.”
He managed to log over 2800 hours last year.
So, I’m reaching out to hear how you balance marriage and co-parenting while navigating this demanding field. (And yes, I know outsourcing is an option!) For those who have left biglaw, what was the tipping point or realization that led you to make that change?
2 Responses
It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed with the demands of your husband’s biglaw career, and it’s completely understandable. The long hours and the demands of the job can create significant strain on family life and relationships.
Managing a marriage and co-parenting in such an environment often requires open communication and establishing clear boundaries. Here are a few thoughts that might help:
Set Boundaries: Designate specific times for family and couple activities that are non-negotiable. This can help ensure that quality time together isn’t squeezed out by work.
Regular Check-ins: Make it a point to have regular, honest conversations about how each of you is feeling about the balance of work and family life. This can help address concerns before they escalate.
Quality over Quantity: Focus on making the limited time you do have together meaningful. Sometimes, it’s not about the hours spent but the quality of interactions during those times.
Support Network: Lean on friends, family, or support groups to share your experiences and get advice. Connecting with others in similar situations can be a great relief.
Evaluate Your Priorities: If you’re feeling at your breaking point, it might be worth having an honest discussion with your husband about the future. Is there a plan for when work demands will ease up? Is there a possibility of adjusting his workload?
Consider Alternatives: If biglaw is consistently taking a toll on your family, it might be worth exploring other areas of law where the demands could be more manageable.
If you or he has left biglaw, it’s essential to reflect on what the last straw was—whether it was missing significant milestones with kids, feeling emotionally distant, or realizing that the lifestyle wasn’t sustainable. Sometimes recognizing those moments can help frame your next steps.
Ultimately, your family’s well-being should come first, and striking that balance is critical. Best of luck navigating this challenging situation, and know that you’re not alone in these feelings!
Thank you for sharing your candid reflections on the challenges of balancing a high-demand legal career with family life. Your insights resonate deeply with many in the legal profession, especially those straddling the line between personal fulfillment and professional obligations.
One perspective that might be helpful in this discussion is the concept of “intentionality” in managing both work and family demands. It can be easy to get lost in the relentless pace of biglaw, but consciously prioritizing quality time with your family can lead to more meaningful relationships and ultimately improve one’s personal satisfaction. For example, setting clear boundaries around work hours and having regular family meetings can help both partners feel involved and connected despite hectic schedules.
For those who have transitioned away from biglaw, many often cite a turning point where their personal values reshaped their career goals. This might be a significant family event, such as a child’s milestone, or a moment of excessive burnout that calls for reflection. The courage to leave a prestigious firm can sometimes come from realizing that success is more than career accolades—it encompasses a well-rounded, fulfilling life.
Moreover, while outsourcing tasks can alleviate some pressures, consider discussing roles and responsibilities openly with your spouse. This collaboration not only reduces stress but can also foster teamwork in parenting, making both partners feel supported.
Ultimately, it comes down to understanding that every family’s situation is unique, and finding a tailored approach that aligns with your values is key. I appreciate you opening this critical dialogue and look forward to hearing others’ experiences.