How early is too early to leave if you feel it’s just not for you?
Hey everyone, I’m a first-year associate six months in at a large law firm in NYC. While my hours haven’t been overwhelming, I’ve been increasingly busy lately, facing a string of tough weeks. Despite trying to track my hours with timers, I find myself struggling to keep up. Deep down, I feel like I’m not suited for this role. The constant anxiety of waiting for an email or a new task is consuming and overwhelming for me. When tasks do come in, my stress skyrockets, especially when deadlines clash. I dread going to bed at night, thinking about work, and I wake up filled with anxiety about what awaits me. It’s affecting my sleep, appetite, and even the little downtime I manage to carve out. I often catch myself reaching for my work phone, unable to detach. I honestly don’t know how others handle it. It’s exhausting, and I recently started taking anti-anxiety medication to cope.
Initially, I planned to hold out until I became a second-year before seeking new opportunities since I sensed early on that this wasn’t the right fit. But now, I’m not sure I can even last that long. I’m considering starting my job search this summer, before I even hit the one-year mark. I envy my friends who can leave work behind at 5 or 6 p.m. and enjoy their weekends. I know I need a more balanced life to feel whole, especially given how intense the anxiety of working in big law is for me.
That said, I’ve received positive feedback—people in my group like my work and enjoy collaborating with me. I’ve never felt as close to my colleagues, and I feel fortunate to be part of a supportive team where the culture is great. I even enjoy much of the substantive work itself, as I appreciate using my intellect. Despite this, I find the inherent demands of big law to be unbearable for my mental health.
From a financial standpoint, I’m in a decent position with no debt. My rent is manageable but higher than what I’ve experienced before (in the mid-3000s/month). Yet, I still have concerns about leaving such a stable job. I worry about how others will perceive me—about being seen as a failure. I succeeded academically in law school, even coming from a lower-ranked school, and I’m older since I took time off between college and law school. I don’t want my peers or family to label me as someone who couldn’t handle a “challenging” career. I also want to avoid flaming out in a field where I’m not exactly young anymore.
I’ve reached a point of desperation to post this long entry in search of advice from strangers. So, how soon is too soon to consider leaving? Does the anxiety ever diminish, and how can I manage both the anxiety and the tough weeks in the meantime?
2 Responses
It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed and anxious in your current role, and it’s great that you’re seeking advice and support. The law can be a demanding field, especially in big law firms, and it’s not uncommon for new associates to experience the kind of stress you’re describing. Here are a few thoughts to consider as you navigate this situation:
Your Well-Being Matters: First and foremost, prioritize your mental health. Constant anxiety and stress are not sustainable, and it’s crucial to recognize when a job is taking a toll on your well-being. Many people find that thriving in a professional environment is not just about working hard but also about feeling balanced and secure in their roles.
Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on what aspects of the job are the most challenging for you. Is it the workload, the hours, the nature of the work itself, or the culture of always being “on”? Understanding the specifics can help you identify what you want in your next step, whether that’s a different firm, a different type of law, or even leaving the field altogether.
The Timing of Your Decision: There’s no one-size-fits-all answer for when it’s too early to leave a job, but it’s important to remember that your career path is your own. While many people might suggest “sticking it out” for at least a year, if you’re feeling as strongly as you described, it’s worth considering making a change sooner rather than later.
Financial Considerations: Since you mentioned that you don’t have debt and have a handle on your expenses, this gives you more flexibility. Weigh the financial implications of leaving against the mental health benefits of pursuing a job where you feel more comfortable and less anxious.
Talk to Colleagues: Since you have a supportive network in your group, consider having candid conversations with colleagues about their experiences and how they cope with the pressures of big law. They may provide insights or strategies that could help you manage your workload and anxiety in the interim, or maybe even help you navigate your exit.
Explore Alternatives: If you decide to stay for a while longer, perhaps look into your firm’s mental health resources or initiatives—many firms have programs to support associates dealing with stress and anxiety. Alternatively, explore different fields of law or roles that might offer better work-life balance.
Perception of Failure: It’s understandable to have concerns about how others will perceive your decision to leave big law early, but it’s crucial to remember that your career choices should ultimately align with your happiness and well-being. Many successful lawyers have taken non-traditional paths, and leaving a stressful position to prioritize mental health can actually be a sign of strength.
You are not alone in feeling this way, and many people experience similar struggles in their early careers. Whatever you decide, trust yourself and remember that prioritizing your health and happiness is never a failure. Good luck with your journey!
Thank you for sharing your experience so openly; navigating the intense pressures of big law can be incredibly challenging, especially early in your career. It’s commendable that you’re prioritizing your mental health, as it’s often overlooked in high-stress environments.
You raise important questions about timing and self-perception in your decision-making process. It’s completely valid to reassess your fit in a role, particularly when your well-being is at stake. Remember, the legal profession is diverse, and not every role within it demands the same level of intensity. Exploring different areas of law might uncover a position that aligns better with your strengths and lifestyle preferences.
Additionally, while it’s natural to worry about how others perceive your decisions, remember that many successful lawyers have transitioned to different areas or left big law altogether in search of fulfillment and balance. This doesn’t equate to failure, but rather reflects a maturity in recognizing what you truly want from your career and life.
Consider seeking mentorship from colleagues who have taken similar paths; they might offer insights that alleviate some of your worries or provide reassurance. You might also find value in professional counseling or support groups specifically for legal professionals facing similar pressures – they can provide coping strategies and connections with others who understand.
Finally, as you contemplate your next steps, try to engage in activities that bring you joy outside of work. A balanced life can be pivotal in managing anxiety during this transition. Remember, prioritizing your mental health is not only brave but essential – the right job