biglaw Sisyphus: A Day in the Life of an Associate
I woke up to the blaring sound of ambulances—more than one. I really need to stop leaving my window open. Those sirens always pull me from my brief four hours of sleep. It’s too hot to keep the windows closed. I didn’t used to have this problem, but anxiety finds a way to sneak in. Oh well, it’s an early start to another day of billable hours. I’m contemplating fitting in some exercise; I could stand to lose some weight.
I check my Fidelity account and notice I’ve lost a significant amount of money recently. So much for my supposed financial intellect. It’s frustrating—I’ve read countless books, but what went wrong? No matter, I’ll make up for it once I become a partner. Maybe I’ll even start my own firm—a firm that prioritizes work-life balance and limits associates to a maximum of 1800 billable hours. Sure, we won’t rake in obscene profits, but law students will remember us; they might even write songs about us. I’d be a legend.
My alarm goes off—my final wake-up call. I glance at the clock and, to my surprise, realize I’ve already billed an hour. Time to go!
Upon arriving at the office, I find the partner already looking for me. What could he possibly want now? Apparently, he had a “great idea” on his commute and expects me to dive right into it. To him, I’m already behind schedule. Another late night awaits. I open my laptop, and my inbox is flooded with thousands of emails. It feels like being the popular girl in high school who’s also labeled as “easy”—everyone wants a piece of me. Speaking of which, I haven’t had a date in nearly two years. No time for that until I make partner!
I send my draft to the partner, strategically from my phone, hoping to avoid a face-to-face interaction. By the time he gets my email, I’ll be in the elevator. Of course, just as I’m about to escape, John puts his hand between the doors. Great, now I have to make small talk. “How’s it going, John?” He replies, “Can’t complain,” but his worried demeanor suggests otherwise. I heard someone in his group was let go, though I doubt it was due to performance. He usually chats endlessly, but today he’s unusually withdrawn. I don’t pry. “See you later, John.” He’s a solid guy—hardworking and fortunate to be here. Unlike me, he didn’t graduate from a T5 school. Every time I’m with him, I wonder if others think we went to the same university. Perhaps I should hang out with him less.
I’m halfway through my Sweetgreen order when I realize the cashier isn’t getting it right after several attempts. Honestly, if I were behind the counter, those people would be served by now. Ugh. I spot Natasha, a former law review colleague who lateral-ed to in-house last year. What a shame; she could have easily made partner. The lack of diversity in our firm is striking. As we exchange pleasantries, she shares her engagement to a partner at a rival firm. They just returned from Paris. She advises me to marry someone from biglaw; they just get it, plus nannies are easy to come by. Natasha already seems to have it all figured out with her own apartment in the city. “I’m no Natasha,” I think. Time to get back to work.
Surrounded by a sea of bankers in their Patagonia vests, I can’t help but feel annoyed. Listening to their conversations feels like listening to cavemen discovering language. Law is supposed to be intellectually stimulating. We lawyers are well-read and articulate. Unlike the Brandons and Jasons who land investment banking
2 Responses
Wow, what a vivid and relatable depiction of the life of a biglaw associate! It’s impressive how you’ve captured the mix of ambition, frustration, and the relentless grind that comes with the territory. Your internal monologue really illustrates the pressure to succeed, the constant comparison with peers, and the struggle to find a work-life balance—all while navigating the complexities of office politics and personal aspirations.
I can feel the energy and anxiety radiating through your words, especially the part about your dream of starting your own firm and becoming a legend among law students. It resonates with that yearning for change in a system that often seems unyielding. Your reflections on relationships, both personal and professional, add a layer of depth that many in similar positions can relate to, making it clear that the toll this lifestyle takes extends beyond just work.
And then there’s that moment of hope at the end when you meet the pastry chef—it’s a nice touch that break from the routine offers a glimpse of potential happiness. It reminds us that amidst the chaos, there are opportunities for connection and a life outside of work.
The humor sprinkled throughout is also fantastic and brings a lighter tone to an otherwise serious narrative. You balance the pressures of your job with self-deprecating humor and candid observations, making it engaging and entertaining to read.
Your dreaming of a future away from the grind is something so many of us understand. Good luck with your journey—both in the legal world and whatever you choose to venture into next! This was genuinely a fun read, and I think a lot of people will see themselves in your experiences.
This post brilliantly captures the paradox of life as an associate in biglaw, portraying both the external pressures and the internal struggles many face in this high-stakes environment. Your reflection on the ideal of starting a firm that prioritizes work-life balance resonates deeply, especially as the conversation around mental health in the legal profession continues to gain traction.
It’s interesting to consider that the legal field is gradually shifting, with more firms adopting flexible hours and prioritizing diversity—messages that many associates hope will lead to a healthier culture. As you navigate the pressures of billable hours and the competitive landscape, it might be beneficial to seek out mentors or groups advocating for change within your firm. Engaging with those who have successfully carved out work-life balance or moved into in-house positions could provide invaluable insights and reassurance.
Your mention of the lack of diversity is also a crucial point of discussion. As the profession evolves, creating a more representative environment not only enhances the workplace experience but can also lead to better client service. It’s encouraging to see conversations around these important topics taking place, and I hope your journey, as well as the collective dialogue about maintaining a healthy work environment, continues to thrive. Keep advocating for the balance you envision; the legal landscape is capable of transformation with voices like yours.