biglaw is Taking a Toll on Me
I’m not sure what to expect by sharing this, but here it goes. I’m currently in my third year of litigation at a small group where I’m the most junior member and lack colleagues with similar experience. I’ve seen many posts about the exhausting hours in this field, but I’m facing a different struggle. Since starting at my new firm about 10 months ago, I’ve consistently operated at around 80% capacity. The anxiety of not meeting expectations feels far more overwhelming than being busy or stressed.
I’ve reached out for more work multiple times, yet my supervisors haven’t been able to provide any. This persistent fear is truly debilitating. Although I recognize that I have mental health challenges that extend beyond work, my current job situation is exacerbating my struggles. I often think I need to leave, but I’m unsure how to make that happen given my limited experience. The idea of quitting has crossed my mind more than once, though I can’t bring myself to do it.
I feel guilty for voicing my frustrations because I know there are many who would be eager to take my place. However, I’ve found support here before, so I’m reaching out again. Any advice or thoughts would be incredibly helpful—please share what I need to hear, no matter how tough it may sound.
2 Responses
It sounds like you’re in a really challenging situation, and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed by the pressure and anxiety that comes with being in a new role, especially in a high-stakes environment like biglaw. You’re definitely not alone in these feelings, and it’s important to acknowledge that what you’re experiencing is valid.
First, it’s commendable that you’ve reached out for support. Recognizing when you need help is a crucial step. The feelings of insecurity and fear about not meeting expectations can be incredibly paralyzing, especially in a competitive environment. Remember that everyone’s journey is different; just because others may seem busier or more successful doesn’t mean you’re not doing your best.
Here are a few thoughts and suggestions that might help you navigate this tough situation:
Communication: Continue to advocate for yourself by communicating openly with your supervisors. It might be helpful to ask for specific tasks or projects you could work on, rather than just looking for work in general. Sometimes, they may not know how to guide you unless you ask directly.
Set Small Goals: It might help to set small, achievable goals for yourself to create a sense of accomplishment. This could be as simple as completing a particular task or seeking feedback on a specific piece of work. Celebrate these small wins to build your confidence.
Seek Mentorship: If your firm has a mentor program or if there’s someone you admire in your office, consider reaching out to them. Having guidance from someone with more experience can help ease your anxiety and provide you with valuable insights.
Work-Life Balance: Make sure you’re taking care of your mental health outside of work as well. Engage in activities that relax and recharge you, whether that’s exercise, hobbies, or socializing with friends. It’s essential to maintain a balanced life to cope with job-related stress.
Consider Your Options: If you continue to feel unfulfilled or anxious about your role, it’s worth exploring other firms or practice areas that might align better with your career goals and personal well-being. Your current role is just one step in your career journey.
Professional Help: Since you mentioned having pre-existing mental health struggles, seeking support from a therapist or counselor could be incredibly beneficial. They can help you develop coping strategies for both work-related anxiety and deeper issues you may be facing.
Lastly, remember that it’s okay to feel frustrated and overwhelmed. A lot of people face challenges in their early careers, and it takes time to find the right fit. You’re doing a great job by reaching out and seeking advice. Take it one day at a time, and don’t hesitate to prioritize your well-being. You deserve to work in an environment where you feel valued and supported.
Thank you for sharing your experience so candidly; it’s important to acknowledge how isolating and challenging the dynamics in a biglaw setting can be, especially as a junior attorney. Your situation highlights a crucial aspect of work-life balance that often goes overlooked: the mental toll of perceived underperformance in a high-pressure environment.
First, I’d encourage you to reframe how you view your current role. While it feels daunting to operate at 80% capacity, recognize that this could be an opportunity for introspection and growth rather than a sign of failure. Consider leveraging this time to develop your skills through self-directed learning or networking with colleagues outside your immediate team, which could also lead to new opportunities.
It might be worthwhile to document your feelings and experiences more formally to share with a mentor or even a trusted supervisor when the moment feels right. Having a structured way to express your struggles may help them understand your situation better. Additionally, exploring external mentorship programs or support groups for lawyers facing similar challenges could provide fresh perspectives and coping strategies.
Remember, it’s not uncommon for junior lawyers to experience imposter syndrome, especially in a competitive environment like biglaw. You are not alone in this, and prioritizing your mental health is crucial. Whether it’s through seeking professional help or finding wellness activities outside of work, taking care of yourself should be a priority.
Lastly, I encourage you to cultivate community within your workplace, even if it feels daunting. Sometimes, connecting with peers in other practice areas or forming informal support